Historical Symphony
by Hamlord
Summary: Just a pointless fanfic about Mithos and Kratos and Yuan and Martel...this is my first fanfic so read and review! Rated T to be safe
1. Chapter 1

**_The Four Heroes:_**

**A pointless first fanfic designed to take up space. Even crazed villains have adventures before they become evil, you know.**

Hamlord: Okay now for the disclaimer. Eggnogg, do the disclaimer.

Eggnogg: Why me! This is in direct violation of my rights, and as such it is and illegal act and you are not going to get away with this…… yada yada yada

Hamlord: Wrong. As you must have failed to notice… we are outside of the US. And that is why…ARGHstupid unconfigurable foreign language Word systems! But that is besides the point. As I was saying… outside of the country, you have no jurisdiction. HA! Also this in infringement of legal matter no. 457.89.5324.54556.8676.5258.

Eggnogg: OK! Just no more legal lectures!

Hamlord does not own ToS or ME or Sir Auron… and not Microsoft either.

Hamlord: Right. Now we have to get to the meat and eggs…

Eggnogg: WHAT!

Hamlord: Eh, I meant potatoes. Enjoy the fic!

**_2 Summon Spirits and a Kidnapping!_**

"JUDGMENT!" Mithos yelled.

"Impressive. I have seen your power and shall lend you mine." said Undine.

The summon spirit was now his to use. But naturally, Mithos was too curious for his own good.

"Hey Undine."

"Yes, pact maker?"

"What's in the jug?" Mithos said, pointing at the jug.

"What?"

"What's in the jug?"

"What?"

"What's in the jug?"

"Mind your own beeswax." The Summon spirit turned to leave.

"Hey lemme see the jug! Wow, it looks really sturdy."

As he said this, he tapped the jug… a little too hard.

SMASH!

"Hey! It's a…photo of Orlando Bloom! Ok, now I know, I'm off! "

Mithos ran as fast as his scrawny little legs could carry him. Which, as fast as that may have been, was DEFINITELY not fast enough.

"TIDAL WAVE!"

Mithos struggled in vain as he fought the whirlpool. The whirlpool carried him far away…and through the land of more smarter people and blue dung beetles(inside joke)… and right into Kratos, Martel, and Yuan. Mithos could see smirks on their faces.

"What!" he cried indignantly. "It's not my fault I got washed up here, is it?"

Kratos shook his head. "Of course it's your fault. And by the way, are you going to get your next Summon Spirit or not?"

"Anything's better than Undine," Mithos grumbled.

"Don't count on it."

And then the new Summon Spirit appeared in a flash of light, effectively blinding Kratos.

Mithos looked up. What he saw was a punk in a Mohawk, dancing MJ.

"A-B-C…Easy as 1-2-3… Master Maxwell is IN DA HOUSE!

…who are you?"

"I am Mithos, and thou shaltst know that I have comest today to make a pac.."

"Hey, the pact thing gets old after a while. Why don't you just say you need my help?"

Mithos thought for a moment. rotate sun & moon

"I got it! Ok bub you had better get down and listen to me now or I will give you a Greek mythological explanation as to why the left hand is unlucky. I already prepared the scythe and everything!"

Maxwell thought for three moments. rotate sun and moon three times

"Ok, whatever. I don't care since you will become an evil warlord and abandon us while working on a project of lifeless beings. I hope."

"Very well. Then it is decided." Mithos held out his hand.

"cough unconditional pain-enforced surrender cough" said Maxwell as they shook.

In the back, Yuan was fiddling with a stain on his designer cape. Kratos was applying more hair gel. And Martel was…well who knows what she was doing with that poor caterpillar.

The strangest thing was, though… no one seemed to care that he had successfully completed his second summon spirit pact (which WAS strange…only to him).

"HELLO! I JUST GOT A SECOND PACT!" cricket "Fine. Hey sis, I got a second pact!"

And that was when Martel fell over, dead.

"HOLY CRAP! MARTEL!"

After examining the dead body, Kratos said, "Relax, Martel is still alive... I hope. This is just a fake. What are you worrying about?"

"Well," Yuan interjected, " that COULD MEAN the real Martel is MISSING!"

"Wait, there is a note!" Mithos exclaimed.

He read it: "'_To the crew:_

_If you ever want to see Martel again' _okay he crossed that out…'_To the pitiful fools who are reading this note: I have Martel. If you ever want to see her' _okay he crossed this out too!

'_Mithos:_

_You are stupid. I was not kidnapped. Even if I was, I would **NOT** be in Heimdall. Do not come looking for me, or else there will be annoying salesclerks after your every step. Also, someone call Sir Auron(NOT AURION!) will attack you._

_Signed, Martel_

_PS: Kratos, I have your hair gel, and Yuan, I have your patching kit. Buy yourself a new cape, to replace the stupid one you have now."_

"Would it KILL to just use another piece of paper to make a different draft? This is so grammatically improper and undignified." said Kratos, after examining it a second time.

Mithos thought for a moment (again. You know the drill. Rotate sun and moon.)

"Well, this calls for…Grammer Lady™! The number one source of all 'grammer', and this is even the 567th edition!" called Mithos.

"She didn't mean it, Capey! I'll never abandon you! And I'll never succumb to the evil of Grammer!" shouted Yuan, all the while snuggling his cape.

That's when Mithos, Kratos, and Yuan suddenly fell into the darkness and knew no more.

When they woke up, they were swiftly knocked out again.

**So that's it! Short, HUH! Wait till next chapter for news of our 3 heroes! Please review, this is my first fic after all.**

…**and no flames, please. If you flame, you will be haunted at Christmas for the rest of your life.**

**And yes, I DO hate MJ.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two, Released just in time for the holidays.**

Hamlord: Okay, now it is time for the disclaimer. As our previous announcer Eggnogg was unfortunately consumed, we have invited the world-famous…SSPNISP!

(super stick person's nemesis Incredible stick person).

SSPNISP: Fear me! For I am SSPNISP, and I will do this disclaimer with JUSTICE and GLORY! Also I like cucumbers, hate pickles, want to SMITE SSP (because he's my nemesis and blah), and am only doing this disclaimer because-

painful sounds are heard

Because Hamlord is cool and doing a disclaimer is also cool.

Hamlord: Well! Hurry up and do the damn disclaimer! Or else...

SSPNISP: Okay. Hamlord DOES NOT own Tales of Symphonia. He WOULD like to own A COPY of Tales of the Abyss when it is released. Also, in direct violation of the emancipation proclamation, he owns me.

Hamlord: I've already said, as long as we are out of the US, you have no legal jurisdiction.

SSPNISP: Shut up.

**Chapter 2: Kratos gets (partially) Brainwashed**

Kratos woke up in a dank and dusty PERFUME DEPARTMENT! Seeing as he did he immediately was knocked out by the smell of "Bonjour Ambulavi et Stultussimmi Sum Cow"!

He woke up 5345678433 (yes, random number) times like this until he was moved somewhere else.

Kratos woke up… he was bound and gagged. "Holy Protozoan Manure…where am I?"

A guard started. "Hey Lord Ush Treb the Foolish! The geeky nerdy prisoner hath awakened andis ready for experimentation with the u-no-vut!"

Soon a stupid looking man with freakishly long hair and dressed in a Cliched Stereotype Suit came in. As soon as he saw Kratos awake, he took out what looked like a normal tape player.

He placed it next to Kratos, who could only watch in horror as he inserted something called'complete obedience slave brainwashing' into it. The man took a moment to make a clichéd stereotype villain gloat.

"LOLZ! When this tape is done, the mighty Kratos Aurion will be my slave and do everything I tell him! LOL!" he laughed, walking far, far, away.

The tape began to play. "MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The laugh lasted for 24 hours. The only part of the content he heard before he fell asleep

(yes, he can sleep, he's not an angel yet), were the words…"blame your fate…."

Kratos woke up 24 hours later.

Kratos felt himself being unchained. The "Great Lord Ush Treb" was standing over him. The long haired FREAK said:

"FOOLISH SLAVE! Obey me and grab your equipment! Which includes this new magical sword with smites people!"

Kratos obeyed without question.

Next the Great FREAK said: "Now obey me and go kill that kitty over there."

Sure enough, there was a kitty tied to the wall. Kratos moved over to it, and…he took his new sword and…

DUN DUN DUN!

…he set it free! joy to little kitties!

"HEYWHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" shouted Bert…uh I meant Treb.

Kratos then swiftly turn around, drew his sword, and proceeded in an ATTEMPT to remove Treb of the ability of reproduction. UNFORTUNATELY, Treb… was a girl!

So Kratos did the next best thing…he SLICED OFF ALL OF BERT'S HAIR! …um…I mean Treb.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY HAIR! MY PRECIOUS HAIR! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING SO BARBARIC! NOOOOOOOO!"

At this point Kratos got annoyed and as such decapitated him.

"Noooooooooo…" Bert's head said.

And said Kratos…"Blame your fate."

**Heh..short huh! Please review! MUST…HAVE…REVIEWS! **


	3. Chapter 3

**And so we finally continue this fic. It's been forever! Kratos had successfully escaped, so now we go to Mithos's side of the story.**

**Okay, now for the disclaimer…**

Hamlord: HAH! Today we have somebody special to do the disclaimer! FWAHAHAHAAHAHAH!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! That somebody will be……………Soma Cruz!

SC: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? I have half a mind to kill you right now!

Hamlord: Well you can't, because I'm the author.

SC: Oh yeah? RED MINOTAUR!

-Uses red Minotaur soul-

Hamlord: Eep. –Dies-

Yoghourt Man: Necromancy! –Revives Hamlord-

Hamlord: Yay! I got revived by necromancy AGAIN! Now do the damn disclaimer!

SC: I am the reincarnate of Dracula. I could kill you anytime I wish.

Hamlord: But you won't. AUTHOR'S ENFORCEMENT!

SC: What. The- Argh! Hamlord- no I won't ah- does not own- get out of my head ah! - ToS or me or Yu-gi-oh.

What the hell was that?

Hamlord: Mind control! ON WITH THE FIC!

**Mithos**

Mithos woke up in a slightly more suitable place than Kratos. At least there wasn't any perfume. Another whiff of the air, however, led to a terrible realization: he was in an outhouse. Crud.

"Yuan? Kratos? Hello? Anyone?" asked Mithos as he slowly got his isght back in the pitch black room.

"So, fool, you've awoken."

"Who are you?" asked Mithos, turning around.

He regretted doing so one moment later. The figure charged at him with alarming speed.

Mithos jumped to the side, and whaddaya know, he sprawled over an unconscious Yuan.

"MITHOS! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" cried an immediately awoken Yuan.

"Shut up!" hissed Mithos. But then he had a better idea. When the figure charged again, he threw Yuan into the way and dodged.

Then the lights turned on. The figure was…Yugay?

"Oh Martel," swore Mithos.

"Don't talk about my fiancée like that!" snapped Yuan.

"YOUR fiancée? She's MY SISTER!" growled Mithos.

"Yeah, but you're her LITTLE brother, so just be a good boy, alright?"

"Ahem. Insert typical villain gloat-" coughed Yugay.

"What did you just call me?" said Mithos.

"I called you little boy, squirt." Replied Yuan.

"Ahem. Insert typical villain gl-"

"So what if I'm vertically challenged!" cried Mithos.

"Then you have to listen to me," said Yuan, thoroughly enjoying himself.

"Alright," said Mithos, "FALCON CREST!" (He IS the eternal swordsman, he can use falcon crest, right?)

Yuan ran as fast as his scrawny little legs could carry him. This was kind of dumb, seeing as he had wings to fly with.

Fast, but not fast enough. To dodge Falcon Crest, you'd have to be as fast as a –insert fast something here-. So Yuan got hit.

HP DAMAGE!

"AHEM! INSERT TYPICAL VILLAIN GLOAT THAT TYPICAL MORONS MIGHT HEAR!"

Mithos and Yuan stopped.

And they cracked up.

"Hey Yuan?" asked Mithos.

"Yeah?" replied his friend.

"Let's pwn this guy."

"Alright!"

Yugay didn't flinch. "I believe in the heart of the cards!" And he pulled out 2 cards.

"Heh, you suck… you have cards, but you don't have summon spirits…" laughed Mithos.

"Oh potato."

"Maxwell!" Maxwell appeared and started using the tech he used when he was young, which was called "Big-Ass Meteor Storm". Involving Big-Ass Meteors.

"I'm not done yet!" cried a bloodthirsty Mithos. "I summon thee, from the land of the vegetarians, to crush this foe! Fat Vegetarian Hubert! Um I mean Trebuh!" (Hubert, please, don't read this...)

And Hubert landed on him. OIW…that has GOT to hurt. As in pain…

Yuan was ANNOYED that he hadn't gotten a turn, but he decided that he was nice and thought it would be nice to be nice to little kids and let them have their turn.

And so, they eliminated Yugay, left the base after plundering it, and went in search… of Martel.

**Haha! This chapter is officially OVER!**

**REVIEW!**

**Soma: -holds Claimh Solais-**

**Oh crud, gotta go.**

**REVIEW!**


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